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Alton Benes – Pendant, Those Bastards

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Elaine’s father Alton is a war veteran and writer. Alton Benes is played by Lawrence Tierney.

Alton Benes appears in:

The Jacket

When Jerry and George agree to have dinner with Elaine and her father, Elaine is delayed and Jerry and George are stuck with Alton waiting for her at the hotel in a very awkward situation.

alton-benes-the-jacket-seinfeld-2

Alton Benes Quotes:

Jerry: Excuse me. Mister Benes?
Alton: Yeah?
Jerry: I’m Jerry. Elaine’s friend and this is George.
George: It’s a great thrill to meet you, Sir.
Alton: Sit down. Want a drink?
Jerry: Sure.
George: What do you have?
Jerry: I’ll have a cranberry juice with two limes.
George: And, I’ll have a club soda with no ice.
Alton: I’ll have another Scotch with plenty of ice.
George: You like ice?
Alton: Huh?
George: I said, do you like ice?
Alton: Like it?
George: Don’t you think you get more without it?
Alton: Where’s Elaine?
Jerry: Well, we thought she was meeting you earlier. She’s usually pretty punctual. Don’t you find that, George?
George: Yeah, yeah. She’s punctual and she’s been late sometimes.
Jerry: Yeah, yeah. Sometimes she’s on time, and sometimes she’s late.
George: I guess today she’s late.
Jerry: It appears that way.
George: Yep.
Jerry: Yep.
Alton: Looks like rain.
George: I know, I know, that’s what they said.
Alton: Who said?
George: The weather guy, Dr. Waldo.
Alton: I don’t need anybody to tell me it’s gonna rain.
George: No, of course not. I didn’t.
Alton: All I have to do is stick my head out the window. Which ones supposed to be the funny guy?
George: Oh, he’s the comedian.
Jerry: I’m just a regular person.
George: No, no. He’s just being modest.
Alton: We had a funny guy with us in Korea. A tailgunner. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific. There’s nothing funny about that.
Jerry: Would you excuse me a minute? I’m gonna go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.
George: I just wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed Fair Game. I thought it was just brilliant.
Alton: Drivel.
George: Maybe some parts.
Alton: What parts?
George: The drivel parts. Oh my gosh, I just realized – I have to make a phone call.


Alton: Who’d you call?
George: My uncle is having an operation. I just wanted to see how he was.
Alton: What kind of operation?
George: Bone marrow.
Manager: Mister Benes?
Alton: Yes?
Manager: A message for you.
Alton: From Elaine. She got tied up. She’ll be here in thirty minutes. (Jerry and George freeze)


Alton: Yeah, they should’ve taken care of Castro when they had the chance. Like we did in Guatamala in ‘fifty-three.
Jerry: Well, Guatamala.
George: Sure, Guatamala.
Alton: Alright, you boys get yourselves together. We’ll head up to the restaurant. I’ll leave a note for Elaine. I’m going to the bathroom. (Leaves)
George: Come on, let’s go!
Jerry: What about Elaine?
George: To hell with Elaine!
Jerry: She’ll be furious.
George: We’re dying here!


Alton: Well, look who’s here.
Elaine: Oh, Hi, Dad.
Alton: Hello, dear. Who’s the lipstick for?
Elaine: No one.
Alton: How’s your mother?
Elaine: Fine.
Alton: How about you? Are you working?
Elaine: Yeah, I’m reading manuscripts for Pendant Publishing. I told you ten times.
Alton: Pendant, those bastards.. Alright, boys. We’ll go to that Pakistani restaurant on 46th Street. You’re not afraid of a little spice, are you?
George: “Master of the house, doling out the charm. Ready with a handshake and an open..”
Alton: Pipe down, chorus boy.
Elaine: Ohh.. it’s snowing. It’s beautiful.
Jerry: Snow.. snow, that can’t be good for suede, can it?
George: I wouldn’t think so.
Jerry: What should I do? (To Alton) We’re taking a cab, aren’t we?
Alton: Cab? It’s only five blocks.
George: Why don’t you just turn it inside out?
Jerry: Inside out! Great.
Alton: Wait a minute. What the hell do you call this?
Jerry: Oh, I turned my jacket inside out.
Alton: Well, you look like a damn fool!
Jerry: Well, it’s a new suede jacket. It might get ruined.
Alton: Well, you’re not going to walk down the street with my and my daughter dressed like that! That’s for damn sure!


Alton: “Master of the house doling out the charm, ready with a handshake and an open palm..”