Played by: Lisa Arch
Appears in The Friar’s Club
While Kramer is committed to the DaVinci sleep cycle he accidentally falls asleep on his new girlfriend Connie who mistakes him for dead. She calls a few of her “mobster friends” to dump Kramer’s body into the Hudson river, so her boyfriend Joey never finds out. Kramer wakes up in the East River in a sack and is almost hit by a ferry passing by.
Kramer: So, uhm, are you sure you don’t wanna go to the movies?
Connie: Mmm, no, Cosmo. I like just being here with you.
Kramer: Oh, it’s uh, it’s a bold adventure. Well, this is uh, risky business, huh? I’m all a-twitter.
Connie: Oh Cosmo. Mm-mmm, Cosmo. Oh Cosmo.
Kramer is oddly unresponsive.
Connie: Uh, honey, can you move a little, this hurts.
Kramer makes no reply.
Connie: Cosmo? Oh my god. Cosmo, wake up! Cosmo? Oh my god! He’s dead! He’s dead. (into phone) Yeah, Tommy, this is Connie. You gotta help me. Some guy dropped dead on top of me. I can’t call the cops, ‘cos Joey might find out. I can’t. I’m stuck. You gotta help me.
Kramer: That’s her, officer.
Connie: Kramer! Oh my god, I thought you were…
Kramer: What? Sleeping with the fishes? I guess I woke up!
Detective: You’re under arrest for the attempted murder of Cosmo Kramer.
Connie: I didn’t do anything.
Kramer: Oh, yeah! Yeah!
Detective: Get your coat, we gotta take you in.
Connie: Can I call my lawyer?
Detective: Okay, go ahead.