Played by: Gretchen German
Appears in The Phone Message
Jerry begins talking about his tan cotton dockers and how much he hates the commercial. When Donna says that she kinda likes the commercial because the dialog rings true for her, Jerry is perplexed and tells all of his friends. Donna gets upset with Jerry when Kramer and George both meet her and mention that she likes the commercial.
Jerry: Come on, try it. Let me hear you try a Scottish accent.
Donna: That’s Irish.
Jerry: Irish, Scottish, what’s the difference, lassie?
Donna: Thanks again for the movie.
Jerry: You’re welcome.
Donna: I’d invite you up, but the place is being painted.
Jerry: Oh, that’s OK.
Donna: Unless you want to go to your place.
Jerry: OK, but there’s no cake or anything, if that’s what you’re looking for.
Jerry: I think if one’s going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note – it’s common courtesy. I don’t know, that’s just the way I was brought up.
Donna: Values are very important.
Jerry: Oh, so important. So what are you doing Thursday night – you wanna have dinner?
Donna: Thursday’s great.
Jerry: Tan pants. Why do I buy tan pants, Donna? I don’t feel comfortable in them.
Donna: Are those Cotton Dockers?
Jerry: Oh, I can’t begin to tell you how much I hate that commercial.
Donna: Really? I like that commercial.
Jerry: You like that commercial?
Donna: Yeah, it’s clever.
Jerry: Now wait a second, you mean the one where the guys are all standing around, supposedly being very casual and witty?
Donna: Yeah, that’s the one.
Jerry: What could you possibly like about that?
Donna: I don’t know, I like the guys.
Jerry: Yeah, they’re so funny and so comfortable with each other, and I could be comfortable too, if I had pants like that. I could sit on a porch and wrestle around, and maybe even be part of a real bull session.
Donna: Hey, I know guys like that. To me the dialogue rings true.
Jerry: Even if the dialogue did ring true. Even if somehow somewhere men actually talk like that, what does that have to do with the pants? Doesn’t that bother you?
Donna: That’s the idea. That’s what’s clever about it, that they’re not talking about the pants.
Jerry: But they’re talking about nothing.
Donna: That’s the point.
Jerry: I know the point.
Donna: No one is telling you to like it.
Jerry: I mean, all those quick shots of the pants, just pants, pants,
pants, pants, pants, pants, pants. What is that supposed to be?
Jerry: Not once.
Jerry: I have never seen one episode of ‘I Love Lucy’ in my life ever.
Donna: That’s amazing.
Jerry: Thank you.
Donna: Is there anything else about you I should know?
Jerry: Yes, I’m lactose intolerant.
Jerry: I have no patience for lactose. And I won’t stand for it.
George: Wait till you hear this (sees Donna). Whoa, ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t, I had no idea. (Goes to leave)
Donna: Wait, wait. He’s in the bathroom.
George: I just wanted to talk to him for a minute, but I’ll come back.
Donna: You don’t have to leave.
George: You sure?
Donna: I’m Donna.
George: Donna. Oh, you’re the one that likes that commercial!
Donna: He told you about that.
George: No, he, he didn’t actually tell me that, uh, we were talking about that commercial, in fact I think I brought it up because I like that commercial. No, he, he would never tell me anything like that. He never discusses anything. He’s, he’s like a clam. You’re not gonna mention this, to him.. (Jerry re-enters)
Donna: So you go around telling your friends I’m not hip because I like that commercial.
Jerry: What? (To George) What did, what did you say?
George: Say? What? Nothing, I..
Donna: You told him how I like the commercial.
Jerry: Well, so what if I said that?
Donna: Well, so, you didn’t have to tell your friends.
Jerry: No, I had to tell my friends, my friends didn’t have to tell you.
Donna: I don’t like you talking about me with your friends behind my back.
George: Boy oh boy.
Jerry: I said I couldn’t believe you liked that commercial. So what?
Donna: I asked some friends of mine this week, and all of them liked the commercial.
Jerry: Boy, I bet you got a regular Algonquin round table there.
Jerry: Oh, Kramer, this is Donna.
Kramer: Oh. Cotton Dockers!
George: Hello! Alright, we should be going. Come on .(Grabs Kramer)
Kramer: What? Where are we going?
George: Come on!
Donna: Don’t bother, I’m leaving.
Jerry: Donna, really, you’re making too much of this.
Kramer: One hundred percent Cotton Dockers, if they’re not Dockers, they’re just pants!
Jerry: Please, Donna.
Donna: I don’t wanna hear it.(Leaves)
George: I can’t believe I said that. You know me, I’m a vault.
Jerry: Don’t worry about it, it wasn’t working anyway.