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Jodi – The Masseuse

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jodi-the-masseuse-seinfeld

Played by: Jennifer Coolidge

Appears in The Masseuse

Jodi is Jerry’s girlfriend that is a masseuse but for some reason she refuses to give him a massage. Jodi and Jerry go on a double date with George and his girlfriend Karen but later Jodi tells Jerry that she doesn’t like him. Jerry and Jodi break up when Jerry forces her give him a massage, because she does not submit to forcible massage. Eventually George breaks up with Karen to pursue Jodi, declaring “this woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her.” Also noteworthy is that Jodi is played by Jennifer Coolidge, who is well known as “Stiffler’s mom,” the original MILF.

Jodi Quotes:

George: So I go into this clothing store and the saleswoman is wearing this low cut thing. So I said to her: “Can I ask you a question? When you put on a top like that, what’s your tought process? What’s going on in your mind?”
Karen: That is so funny.
George: You’re listening to this?
Jodi: Yeah. I heard you.
Jerry: My neck is killing me. Right in this spot. Very tender over here.
Jodi: So what did she say?
George: Well nothing. I didn’t actually say that.
Jodi: You just said that you said it.
George: Sweetheart, I was exaggerating.
Karen: I’m learning a lot about you tonight George. I’ve never seen you like this.
Jerry: It’s like somebody’s pulling on wires back here.
George: You know it’s like you never see a really attractive woman getting a traffic ticket.
Jodi: How can you say that? My sister got a ticket last week. Are you saying she’s not attractive?
George: Well I’ve never met your sister but obviously these are not hard-and-fast rules. Darling, the tea is getting a little cold sweetheart.
Jodi: Can we go?
Jerry: Yeah. Let’s go.
Karen: So soon?
Jerry: Yeah. Good seeing you again Karen.
Karen: Yeah.
Jodi: Nice meeting you Karen.
Karen: Yeah. Nice to meet you too and I’m gonna call you about that massage.
Jodi: Oh yeah.
George: Jody let’s do this agian real soon
Jodi: Yeah.


Jerry: I strained my neck last night.
Jodi: Really, how?
Jerry: I tried brushing my teeth by holding the brush and moving my head from side to side. It didn’t work.
Jodi: So what’s the deal with your friend George?
Jerry: No deal. Why?
Jodi: What was all that “attractive women not getting tickets” nonsense?
Jerry: He was just showcasing his nondate pesonality.
Jodi: I don’t know how you can hang out with that guy.
Jerry: Yeah. Sometimes he really makes me tense
Jodi: Did you see the way that he was eating?
Jerry: Yeah, he’s disgusting.
Jodi: I have to tell you, I really don’t like him.
Jerry: Yeah, me either.
Jodi: It’s just I hate that type.
Jerry: Yeah, he’s a bad seed.
Jodi: Now you however, you, I like.
Jerry: What are you doing?
Jodi: What do you think I’m doing?
Jerry: Jodi.
Jodi: Hey, Jerry.
George: Ha! Ha! Hey!
Jerry: What are you doing here?
Jodi: I was giving Kramer a massage.
Jerry: Kramer!
Jodi: I got to run. I have an appointment downtown.
George: Here. Let me take your tabe downstairs for you.
Jodi: No that’s O.K.
George: Please give it to me. I love to help people. This is what I do. Come on. I’m going this way.


George: No one hails a cab like me. My hailing technique is unmatched. I get the wrist going from side to side and boom! Cabs are crashing into themselves to just pick me up. All right, here we go. Let me get door. Feminists aside, I know women like the door holding. Here we are all righty. O.K. Jodi let’s get together again real soon and say hello to your sister for me.
Jodi: You’ve never met.
George: Whatever. Believe me, if I wasn’t involved right now, I wouldn’t mind being set up. Something tells me she’s a knockout.


Jodi: Hey.
Jerry: Hi.
Jodi: Hi. I was running late and I didn’t have a chance to drop off my stuff before I came over.
Jerry: Ah, no problem. That’s fine.
Jodi: What’s with this music?
Jerry: That’s new age music. Sounds of the forest. I find it soothing. Hey, look at this! What do you know? A massage table! This is great!
Jodi: What are you doing?
Jerry: Just checking it out. Look at how this thing is made. Can I tell you something? That’s a hell of a piece of equipment.
Jodi: Actually, I should get a new one.
Jerry: Nonsense. This one’s fine.
Jodi: So, where do you wanna go?
Jerry: Go? Why go anywhere? Ahh, that feels good. Yeah. That’s, uh… That’s good. Yeah, that’s nice. That’s very nice.
Jodi: No. No, this isn’t good. I can’t do this.
Jerry: Why, what’s wrong? (he grabs her hands and force her to keep them on his shoulders)
Jodi: I can’t
Jerry: No. Yes you can.
Jodi: No, I can’t!
Jerry: Come on! I know it’s something you wanna do!


Jerry: What do you mean, no?
Jodi: No means no.
Jerry: Look, who are you kidding? You come up to my apartment with your table and your little oils, and I’m not supposed to expect anything? You’re a massage teaser.
Jodi: Listen. I massage who I want, when I want. I don’t submit to forcible massage. I’m getting out of here.
Jerry: Fine. Go.
George: Jerry, could you excuse us for a few minutes, please?
Jerry: What for?
George: We need to talk.
Jerry: You need to talk?
Jodi: We have nothing to talk about.
George: Look it’s no secret what’s going on between us. She doesn’t like me. Now Jerry if you don’t mind.
Jerry: George, anything you have to say to her, you can say in front of me.
George: Jerry… This woman hates me so much. I’m starting to like her.
Jerry: What?
George: She just dislikes me so much… It’s irresistable.
Jerry: I can see that.
Jodi: I’m getting out of here. Don’t call me.
Jerry: Don’t worry. (she leaves)
George: A woman that hates me this much comes along once in a lifetime.
Jerry: You’re a lucky guy.
George: I got to go after her.
Jerry: George. I wouldn’t push for the massage.
George: JODI!


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