Played by: Elina Löwensohn
Appears in The Gymnast
Jerry dates Katya, a former gymnast who won a silver medal at the 1984 Olympics. Kramer encourages him to have sex with her, because he assumes she is probably very flexible. Jerry is disappointed with the sex, as there was nothing gymnastic about it, but he is committed to dating Katya for at least three more weeks. Jerry and Kramer go to the circus with Katya to watch Katya’s friend Misha perform on the tightrope. In the circus’s restroom, Kramer finally passes his kidney stone, screaming so loudly that Misha falls from the high wire.
Jerry: So, Ceausescu. He must’ve been some dictator.
Katya: Oh yes. He was not shy about dictating.
Jerry: He, uh, he must’ve been dictating first thing in the morning. “I want a cup of coffee and a muffin!”
Katya: And you could not refuse.
Jerry: No, you’d have to be crazy.
Katya: He was a very bad dictator.
Jerry: Yes. Very bad. Very, very bad.
Jerry: Well, here we are.
Katya: Yes. We are here.
Jerry: How did you stay on that beam like that? I mean, it’s only this wide!
Katya: I can balance myself in any position. It is amazing after years of training how one can contort one’s body. Of course, it is only useful in gymnastics.
Jerry: Oh boy…
Katya: So, Jerry, you’re enjoying the circus?
Jerry: “Greatest Show on Earth”!
Katya: My father used to take me to the circus. When the elephants came by, he would scream curses at them, blaming them for all the ills of society.
Jerry: Well, they certainly take up a lot of space.
(Katya’s friend walks up)
Katya: Ah, Misha!
Katya: Misha, this is Jerry.
Mish: Ah, yes. The “co-me-dian”, eh?
Katya: He’ll be all right. I must go and be with Misha now. I don’t want you to come with me.
Jerry: Oh, why not?
Katya: It has been three days since our night together. Misha said that was all the time I needed to put in.
Katya: In my country, they speak of a man so virile, so potent, that to spend a night with such a man is to enter a world of such sensual delights most women dare not dream of. This man is known as the “Comedian”. You may tell jokes, Mr. Jerry Seinfeld, but you are no Comedian.