Played by: Courtney Cox
Appears in The Wife
Jerry’s girlfriend Meryl pretends to be his wife so she can get his 25% discount at the dry cleaners. Jerry begins to like the idea of having a wife because it’s a great way to begin a sentence, such as “My wife has an inner ear infection.” Jerry eventually cheats on Meryl with another woman so that he can give her the discount.
Meryl: Good morning.
Jerry: Good morning.
Meryl: How’d you sleep?
Jerry: Hey, you are the couch tonight, young lady. You were all over my side.
Meryl: I was not!
Jerry: C’mon, I was sleeping with one cheek off the bed!
Meryl: By the way, you’re falling way behind on the ‘I love you’s.’
Jerry: No, no, 12-8!
Meryl: No, it’s 15-8.
Jerry: I know I can’t beat ya, I’m just trying to stay competitive.
Meryl: Alright c’mon, let’s get some breakfast.
Jerry: Uh, let me get a coat. I think I’ll try a sport jacket and scarf thing, you know, like an unemployed actor. Haven’t worn this one in a long time.
Meryl: Ooh, cashmere?
Jerry: No, gore-tex. It’s new. Hey, look at this locket. What the hell is this? There’s a picture in here, look at that.
Meryl: Wow, this is really old. You don’t know whose it is?
Jerry: No, I haven’t worn this jacket since I got it back from the dry-cleaner. Maybe we should ask him.
Meryl: Alright, we’ll stop over there.
Jerry: Yeah. What do you want to get for breakfast?
Jerry: Oh now, c’mon, you know I’m getting pancakes.
Meryl: I don’t know that!
Jerry: But we can’t both get pancakes, it’s embarrassing. It’s like one step from the couples who dress alike.
Meryl: I’ll get the short stack.
Jerry: Ah, that’s why I love ya. 15-9. Hey, how ya doin.’
Kramer: We just got back from breakfast. The pancakes were dynamite.
Jerry: Hey, is that my maple syrup?
Meryl: You bring your own syrup?
Kramer: Got to.
Jerry: You got a lot to learn about pancakes.
Meryl: Well, I guess I get it too, because I’m his wife.
Marty: I didn’t know you were married.
Jerry: Oh…yeah…you’ve never met my wife, Meryl? Meryl Seinfeld.
Marty: Sure, you get the discount, too.
Jerry: You might regret that, because the money my wife spends on clothes…
Meryl: I’m taking him to the cleaners!
Meryl: Uh, would you, um…can I…
Meryl: The syrup. Would you pass the syrup?
Jerry: Oh, you want to try the syrup!
Waitress: Can I get you anything else?
Jerry: Um, yeah…I think my wife and I’ll have a little more coffee.
Meryl: And a check for my husband.
Jerry: To my beautiful wife.
Meryl: To my adoring husband.
Jerry: Adoring? What about handsome?
Meryl: I like adoring.
Jerry: Sure, adoring’s good for you, what does it do for me?
Meryl: Honey? Could you get me something to drink?
Jerry: You’re right there.
Meryl: C’mon, I’m sitting!
Jerry: Honey, what’d you do with the can opener?
Meryl: I didn’t do anything with it.
Jerry: Well, it’s not here, it was here yesterday.
Meryl: It’s in the first drawer.
Jerry: I’m looking in the first drawer. It’s not here.
Meryl: Yes, it is.
Jerry: Hey…I’m not stupid. I’m looking in that drawer, there’s no can opener.
Meryl: Did I say you were stupid?
Jerry: Well, wouldn’t I have to be? You tell me there’s a can opener in the drawer, I’m looking in the drawer, there’s no can opener – what other conclusion could one reach?
Meryl: You son of a bitch!
Jerry: I’m sorry.
Meryl: Who is she? I want to know who she is.
Jerry: It doesn’t matter. I want a divorce.
Meryl: A divorce? Oh, so you can marry her and give her the discount?
Jerry: Yes, that’s right.
Meryl: What happened to us, Jerry?
Jerry: I’ll tell you what happened. We got married.
Meryl: I’m sorry, this is my fault. I pushed it on you.
Jerry: No. I guess I just wasn’t ready for the responsibilities of a pretend marriage.
Meryl: Goodbye, Jerry. Oh, I forgot…this is your maple syrup.
Jerry: It’s alright, I want you to have it.
Meryl: Okay, thanks.
Jerry: We’ll always have…pancakes.
Meryl: Bye, Jerry.