Mr. Pitt (Justin Pitt) is Elaine’s boss at Doubleday Publishing and hired Elaine to be his assistant because of her grace and resemblance to Jackie Onassis.
Mr. Pitt is played by Ian Abercrombie and is featured in Season 6 (he also appears in the series finale).
As his personal assistant, Elaine does all of his chores, including finding the perfect pair of socks and removing the salt from his pretzel sticks.
Mr. Pitt was forbidden to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade as a child but made up for it when he won a ticket to hold the rope for the Woody Woodpecker balloon.
He also has a habit of eating his Snickers with a fork and knife and eventually fires Elaine because he thinks she is plotting to kill him.
Mr. Pitt Appears in:
Elaine interviews for a position with Doubleday, and due to her lack of grace, it does not go well.
At the end of the interview, Elaine meets Mr. Pitt and agrees to become his personal assistant.
Thinking that she will be attending to his personal affairs, Elaine soon finds out that means boring chores like buying him new socks.
“Well, you don’t want too much grace or you won’t be able to stand.”
The Pledge Drive
While sharpening pencils for Mr. Pitt, Elaine notices him eating a snickers bar with a fork and knife and tells Jerry and George.
George figures that’s the way these high society types eat their candy bars, so he does it at work to make himself look classy.
The trend continues to grow throughout the episode with Mr. Morgan, Noreen, and Danny Tartabull all eating handheld desserts with a fork and knife.
“It’s for you. Must you keep giving my number out?”
Elaine is having a 3-D painting framed for Kramer, and Mr. Pitt becomes obsessed with finding the image in the 3-D painting.
Distracted, he sends Elaine to a merger meeting between Morgan Springs and Poland Creek bottled water.
Mr. Pitt spends three days looking at the painting and finally sees the image before another important merger meeting.
Right before the meeting, Elaine spills ink on Mr. Pitt and he goes to the meeting with an ink mustache, making him look like Adolf Hitler.
“I told you. I sit on the Board of Trustees for Morgan Springs, and we’re trying to acquire Poland Creek.”
The Mom and Pop Store
Elaine is tasked with taking the salt off of Mr. Pitt’s pretzels and impresses him with her knowledge of Big Bang songs.
He asks her to guess the name of a song for a radio contest so he can win a ticket to hold the Woody Woodpecker balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade.
Mr. Pitt’s father was a stern man he forbid them to participate in any activities that he thought were associated with the common man, and the Thanksgiving Day Parade was first on the list.
“Have you gotten all the salt off those pretzels yet?”
The Diplomat’s Club
Elaine is planning on marching in to tell Mr. Pitt that she is quitting but reconsiders when he tells her that he has amended his will to include her as a beneficiary.
Coming down with a cold, Mr. Pitt goes to the pharmacy and mistakes Jerry (who he has never met in person) for a pharmacist.
Jerry then proceeds to give Mr. Pitt some cold medicine which nearly causes him to die when the cold medicine interacts with his heart medication.
Mr. Pitt suspects that Elaine is trying to kill him now that she is in his will and fires her.
“You’ve come to be like a daughter to me and I want to make sure you’re taken care of after I’m gone.”
Mr. Pitt comes back in the series finale to testify against Elaine, claiming that she tried to smother him with a pillow.
“She tried to smother me with a pillow.”
Mr. Pitt Quotes:
Mr. Pitt: It’s good, but…
Elaine: But what??
Mr. Pitt: Ultimately I don’t think they’ll stay up.
Elaine: No, no! They’ll stay up!
Mr. Pitt: For a while, yes, but not in the long run.
Elaine: But that’s why I got you the tighter ones!
Mr. Pitt: Oh, forget about those! Why do you keep mentioning those?
Elaine: What do you want!?
Mr. Pitt: I want a decent sock that’s comfortable, that will stay on my foot!!
Mr. Pitt: Who was crying?
Elaine: No one. I’m sorry Mr. Putt, that won’t happen again.
Mr. Pitt: I’m sure it won’t, but someone was crying and I want to know who it was.
Mr. Pitt: Elaine, did I hear… Oh, this is very odd.
Kramer: Yeah, it’s 3-D art. Computers generate ’em. BIG computers.
Mr. Pitt: Yes, I’ve heard about these. How do they work?
Kramer: Well, you blur your eyes like you’re starin’ straight through the picture. And you keep your eyes unfocused. And then… Oh, oh, oh, YEAH!
Mr. Pitt: I don’t see it.
Kramer: Yeah, it’s a spaceship, surrounded by planets, asteroids…
Mr. Pitt: I still don’t see it.
Elaine: Okay, Kramer, that’s enough. Mr. Pitt has got work to do.
Kramer: Ya’ ever dream in 3-D? It’s like the boogeyman is comin’ right at you.
Mr. Pitt: I have been accused of wrong-doing. But these false accusations will not deter us. We WILL annex Poland by the Spring, at any cost! AND… our stock will rise HIGH!
Mr. Pitt: Elaine?
Elaine: Yes, Mr. Pitt?
Mr. Pitt: Have you gotten all the salt off those pretzels yet?
Elaine: No, I’m still working on it.
Mr. Pitt: Could you identify the next song? Could you? Could you?
Elaine: Mr. Pitt, why would you want to hold onto the ropes on the Woody Woodpecker balloon?
Mr. Pitt: My father was a stern man. He forbad us to participate in any activities that he thought were associated with the common man. The Thanksgiving Day Parade was first on the list.
Elaine: Oh. Alright, I’ll do the best I can.
DJ On Radio: Alright, here we go for the next spot under the balloon. If you know the name of this song, call 555-BAND.
Mr. Pitt: Well, Elaine? Do you know it? What song is it?
Elaine: Will you shut up? I can’t hear!
Mr. Pitt: I’m sorry!
Elaine: Oh! I’ve got it! It’s “Next Stop Pottersville”!
Mr. Pitt: Goody! Yes! Yes! Yes! Next Stop Pottersville, Next Stop Pottersville! You are a genius!
Elaine: Hello Mr. Pitt. How’s Scotland?
Mr. Pitt: Elaine, are you having a party?
Elaine: A party. Oh no, that was just my stupid friend Jerry.
Mr. Pitt: Because there’s to be no entertaining while I’m gone.
Elaine: Believe me, we’re not entertained. We were just leaving. (to Jerry) Oh, can you grab those empty bottles for me.
Mr. Pitt: I need to know what’s in the mail.
Elaine: Oh, well, Mr. Pitt, there’s really nothing that can’t wait. We’re trying to catch a movie.
Mr. Pitt: Well, you better catch the later show, because I need to know what’s in the mail.
Elaine: Mr. Pitt, I have something to tell you.
Pitt: One second Elaine.
Elaine: Mr. Pitt…
Pitt: Elaine, you know what I just did? I just amended my will to include you as a beneficiary.
Pitt: Well, I think of you as part of my family. You’ve come to be like a daughter to me and I want to make sure you’re taken care of after I’m gone.
Elaine: Mr. Pitt…
Pitt: Elaine, I feel a cold coming on. Could you get me a cold pill from the medicine cabinet?
Elaine: Oh no no, Mr. Pitt, you mustn’t. You have to check with the pharmacy before you combine anything with your heart medicine.
Pitt: Yes, yes, I’ll check with the pharmacist.
Elaine: We don’t want anything to happen to you Mr. Pitt. We want you to live a long, long time.
Elaine: Poison you? Jerry Seinfeld tried to poison you? Wha? Mr. Pitt, what are you, delirious? He’s never even met you!
Pitt: You’re fired, Elaine. Goodbye.