Mr. Wilhelm was George’s boss while working as the assistant to the traveling secretary for the New York Yankees, who reports directly to George Steinbrenner. Mr. Wilhelm is played by Richard Herd.
Mr. Wilhelm Appears in:
Mr. Wilhelm calls a meeting to inform everyone that someone has been stealing equipment from the Yankees and that he thinks it’s an inside job.
George, having played basketball earlier in the day, is still sweating heavily which makes him look suspicious.
Later in his office, George is eating Kung Pao chicken which causes him to sweat again when he is questioned by Mr. Wilhelm about the stolen goods.
Wilhelm accuses George of being a terrible liar, thinking that the sweat is an indication of his guilt.
“So George. Have you heard anything about the missing equipment?”
Mr. Wilhelm puts George in charge of getting everyone in the Yankee organization to sign a birthday card for Mr. Steinbrenner.
When George gets grapefruit juice squirted in his eye, it leads to a series of misunderstandings due to his involuntary winking.
“Now, George, you don’t have to cover for him any more. He’s going to be gone soon and I’m going to recommend you for his job.”
The Hot Tub
George learns that by constantly looking angry in the office, it gives people the illusion that he is overwhelmed with work.
He does nothing but tries to appear irritated at all times, which causes Mr. Wilhelm to worry that George is going to crack under the pressure of his work.
As a gift, Mr. Wilhelm sends George to meet with some representatives from the Houston Astros who are visiting New York and show them a good time.
“George…I think you may be taking work a little too seriously.”
In order to get a promotion, George starts leaving his car at work so Mr. Wilhelm thinks he’s the first to arrive and the last to leave every day.
While taking the car to get washed, Kramer and Jerry get into an accident and return the car to the parking lot destroyed.
George’s co-workers think that he got into a bad accident and begin to search for him and when they can’t find him, Steinbrenner declares him dead.
When George returns to work with fake injuries, he finds out he didn’t get the position of assistant manager.
“Mr. Steinbrenner, I am very concerned about George Costanza.”
The Bottle Deposit
Mr. Wilhelm scolds George for constantly needing to have orders repeated to him. He then assigns George to a big project, just as he enters the bathroom.
After waiting outside the bathroom, George decides to go in but finds that Wilhelm had thought that George had followed him inside and had been telling him about the details of the project the whole time.
Not wanting him to think he wasn’t paying attention, George pretends he heard everything and tries to find a way to get the project done, without admitting to Wilhelm that he has no idea what it is.
“Look, sorry doesn’t cut it. We’re running a ball club here George. You’ve got to pay attention.”
Mr. Wilhelm appears at the end of the episode as George is giving his presentation on risk management and declares to a coworker that George is his protege.
“He’s my protege.”
George hires someone to clean his carpets but Kramer warns him that they are actually a religious cult. Intrigued, George sees if they will try to convert him, but it turns out that they’re not interested in him.
Later, he gets the cleaners to do the offices at Yankee Stadium, and they recruit Mr. Wilhelm into their cult.
George gets upset that they weren’t interested in him saying, “Him you brainwashed?? What’s he got that I don’t have?!” to which the cleaner just shrugs his shoulders.
“I’m here to clean the carpets. Most of the world is carpeted. And, one day, we will do the cleaning.”
Mr. Wilhelm briefly appears at the end of the episode when Kramer and George make a spinning entrance into The Pinstripe Ball, complimenting them on their entrance.
“Wow! What an Entrance! And, who might this be?”
George attempts to take naps while at work and finds the perfect place under his desk.
After having a contractor come in and improve his napping space, he greets Mr. Wilhelm in his office first thing in the morning and then goes right to sleep.
“Oh, George, have you seen the American league directory? It is a big green book.”
George is offered a job with the Mets, but in order to get out of his contract with the Yankees, he needs to get fired.
Despite his best attempts, it doesn’t work out until he drives around the parking lot, ranting, and dragging the World Series trophy behind his car.
When George is about to be fired by Steinbrenner, Mr. Wilhelm comes in and takes the blame so he could become the new Head Scouting Director of the Mets, the position that George was offered earlier in the episode.
“Isn’t that Babe Ruth’s uniform?”
Mr. Wilhelm appears in the back of the courtroom, and later can be seen eating with Mr. Steinbrenner, and appears to be calming him down as he argues with the waitress.
Mr. Wilhelm Quotes:
Wilhelm: So George. Have you heard anything about the missing equipment?
Wilhelm: George, there’s nothing I hate more than a liar.
George: Well…there’s no room for someone like that in this organization.
Wilhelm: Are you feeling all right, George?
George: Hmmm!.. Fine!
Wilhelm: You look a little warm.
George: …It’s the chicken
Wilhelm: You’re a terrible liar George. Look at you, you’re a wreck! You’re sweating bullets.
George: It’s the Kom Pau … George likes his chicken spicy.
Wilhelm: George, have you seen Morgan?
Wilhelm: He’s been coming in late all week. Is there something wrong?
George: No, not that I know of. (winks)
Wilhelm: Really? Make sure he signs this. Oh, look, George, if there’s a problem with Morgan you can tell me.
George: Morgan? No. He’s doing a great job. (winks)
Wilhelm: I understand.
Wilhelm: Ah, Mr. Steinbrenner, you know, we’ve searched everywhere, there’s no sign of him. Not even anyone who remotely fits his description, sir.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Oh my God, do you know what this means, Wilhelm?
Wilhelm: What, sir?
Mr. Steinbrenner: He’s dead! Costanza’s dead!
Wilhelm: Well, no, no, you see, I don’t think–
Mr. Steinbrenner: As quickly as he came here, he’s gone. The poor little guy! Easy. Easy, big Stein, get it together. Ok, Wilhelm.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Find out where his parents live.
Mr. Steinbrenner: I’m gonna personally notify them. …and, ah, line up some candidates to fill that assistant to the General Manager position, we can’t grieve forever! We gotta get back to business! Back to Business Wilhelm!
Wilhelm: And you can tell the players that I reimburse the trainer for the cigarettes and the dive checks.
George: Sorry, the players will be reimbursed?
Wilhelm: The trainer, George. Tell the players I’ll reimburse the trainer. What’s the matter with you? This is the third time I’ve had to repeat myself.
George: Sorry, Mr. Wilhelm.
Wilhelm: Look, sorry doesn’t cut it. We’re running a ball club here
George. You’ve got to pay attention.
Wilhelm: Wait, wait, Mr. Steinbrenner. George doesn’t deserve any of the blame for what happened in the parking lot today, sir. If there’s anyone to blame here, it’s me.
Mr. Steinbrenner: What’re you talking about, Wilhelm. Are you popping pills? Did you get the crazies again?
Wilhelm: No, no. No, no, sir. I ordered George to drive around insulting people today. Because I’m tired of all your macho head games.
George: He’s lying, sir! I’m tired of all your macho head games!
Mr. Steinbrenner: Macho head games?
Wilhelm: He’s just being loyal to me, sir.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Wilhelm, you’re fired. I owe you an apology, body-suit man. Streak on. (rising) Now, if you gentlemen will you excuse me, I’m not going to the game today, I’m gonna go outside and scalp some tickets. Owner’s box, that’s gotta bring in forty bucks, no problem.
George: Mr. Wilhelm, what was that?!
Wilhelm: I wanted to get fired. George, you are looking at the new head scout of the New York Mets. (singing) Meet the Mets, meet the Mets. Come right out and greet the Mets.
George: Ovaltine. Have you ever had this stuff? Why is it called Ovaltine? They should call it round tine. You know what I’m talking about?
Mr. Wilhelm: He’s my protege.
George: Mr. Wilhelm? Wha..what’re you doing here?
Wilhelm: I’m here to clean the carpets. Most of the world is carpeted. And, one day, we will do the cleaning.
George: Him you brainwashed! What’s he got that I don’t have?! Mr. Wilhelm, listen. You’ve been abducted! Please, Mr. Wilhelm, you gotta listen to me!
Wilhelm: Wilhelm? My name is Tanya.