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Susan Ross – No child of mine is ever going to be named Seven!

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Susan is George’s fiance for all of season seven, who he met while pitching a sitcom for NBC with Jerry. Over the course of their relationship George gets Susan fired, Kramer pukes on her, and Kramer her father’s cabin burned down which exposes her father’s affair with John Cheever. After a brief separation in which Susan began to date women, George proposes to Susan, who, after a few hours of convincing, agrees. George begins to realize that he made a mistake in proposing and tries everything to break it off with her, including smoking and asking her to sign a prenuptial agreement. Luck for George, Susan dies while licking toxic glue on the envelopes of the wedding invitations that he ordered because they were cheap.

susan-ross-the-invitations-seinfeld

Susan is an interesting character on Seinfeld. She is the most serious relationship that any character has and she allows the show to joke about marriage and committed relationships. George shows regret almost immediately after the proposal and it is hilarious to watch him submit to her demands. Susan is eventually killed off in an ironic way, but in typical Seinfeld fashion, they make light of the situation and never get emotional. Susan first appears in The Pitch, last appears in The Betrayal, and appears in 28 episodes overall . She is played by: Heidi Swedberg

Susan Ross Quotes:

George: So, I’m uh, I’m afraid we’re going to have to pass.
Susan: You’re passing?
George: Well, it’s . . . much too low.
Susan: Are you and Jerry in complete agreement on this?
George: Ah, yeah, . . . I believe I can speak for the both of us on this.
Susan: Because you know, because this is your first show this is a pretty standard deal.
George: Standard?
Susan: Yeah.
George: Is Ted Danson’s deal standard?
Susan: Ted Danson?
George: You know, the guy from Cheers.
Susan: Yeah, I know who he is. (laughs) You’re not Ted Danson.
George: I didn’t say I was Ted Danson.
Susan: All right, I’ll tell Russell tomorrow. Oh, uh, before I forget, . . . cigars. A present from my father.
George: Oh, uh, do I have to write him a note or something?
Susan: Yeah, I am sure he’d appreciated that.
George: But what do I say in the note?
Susan: Ah, you’re a writer. You’ll think of something.
George: Oh, uh, yeah, I’m a writer

 

George: He said what?
Susan: “The hell with them.”
George: “The hell with them?”
Susan: Those were his exact words.
George: Oh boy.
Susan: He said, “We’ve got five hundred shows to choose from. Why should we give two guys, who have no idea, and no experience, more money?”
George: He was pretty emphatic?
Susan: Pounded on his desk.
George: Pounded?
Susan: I told you to take the offer.
George: Look I, I uh, I had nothing to do with this. It wasn’t my decision. It was Jerry! Jerry told me no. I’m the creative guy. He handles the business end.
Susan: You said it was insulting.
George: I was quoting him. Why would I be insulted? I’m never insulted. You could call me baldy, dump soup on my head. Nothing insults me.
Susan: Well, there’s nothing I can do.
George: Well, don’t they make a counter offer? How can they just cancel the whole deal like that? What kind of a maniac is this guy? I mean he just, he says no, and that’s it?
Susan: Yeah, that’s the way Russell is. He doesn’t like to play games.
George: Well, he has to play! He can’t just not play. We’re playing! Look, I gotta see him, how do I get in touch with him?
Susan: You’ll have to wait til Monday.
George: Mon…? No, no, I can’t wait til Monday, that’s impossible, I gotta talk to him now. Where does he live?
Susan: I can’t give you his address.

 

Susan: We lost them. Do you KNOW THAT. WE LOST THEM!
George: It’s not my fault. Seinfeld can’t drive. How hard is it to follow somebody?
Susan: Well now what are you going to do?
George: It’s fine, we’ll just meet him at the bubble boy’s house.
Susan: Does he have the address?

 

Susan: Daddy..
Mr. Ross: Yes?
Susan: Daddy, about the cabin..
Mrs. Ross: Look, Henry, I spilled wine on me!
Mr. Ross: What about it?
Susan: Well, the thing is..
Mr. Ross: What? What is it?
Susan: Well, the – the cabin, is, kind of, uh.. George?
George: Burned.
Mr. Ross: Burned?
Susan: There was a fire, and it uh..
George: Burned.

 

Susan: Excuse me. (Answer the door. It’s her doorman, Raymond) Hello, Raymond.
Raymond: Ah, yes, the man from the insurance company dropped this off this morning. He said it was the only thing left from the remains of the fire.
Susan: Oh, thank you. Wow, I’ve never seen this before… Oh, they’re letters. Here.
George: Oh, sure.
Susan: From… from John Cheever.
Jerry and Geroge: Oh, wow.
Susan: “Dear Henry, last night with you was bliss. I fear my… orgasm has left me a cripple. I don’t how how I shall ever get back to work… I love you madly, John. P.S. Loved the cabin.”
George: We really should be, uh, heading out.
Jerry: Yeah. Look at the time.

 

Susan: Hello?
George: Hi, it’s me. It’s Georgie Boy. What’s going on?
Susan: What’s going on? What’s going on? I’ll tell you what’s going on. I’m fired!
George: Fired? Why?
Susan: Because you kissed me. You kissed me, you stupid idiot! Rita called Russell and he fired me over the phone.
Kramer: (To the TV) What is pi? Ooh! Giddee up again.
George: But I had no… I didn’t realize.
Susan: You didn’t realize? How could you not realize? You’re stupid! You’re a stupid, stupid man!
George: I just feel terrible This is just terrible.
Kramer: (To the TV once again) What is the cha-cha? Ooh, yes indeed.
Susan: I’ll speak to you later.

 

George: It’ll be different this time.
Susan: I need someone a little more stable.
George: I’m not stable? I’m like a rock. I take these glasses off, you can’t tell the difference between me and a rock. I put these glasses on a rock. You know what jumps into most people’s minds? Costanza!
Susan: People don’t change.
George: I change I change. Two weeks ago I tried a soft boiled egg. Never liked it before. Now I’m dunkin a piece of toast in there and I’m loving it.
Susan: I’m not a soft boiled egg.
George: And I am not a piece of toast.
Susan: I just don’t think we have anything in common.
George: That’s okay. That’s good. You think Louie Pasteur and his wife had anything in common? He was in the fields all day with the cows, you know with the milk, examining the milk, delving into milk, consummed with milk. Pasteurization, Homogenization, She was in the kitchen killing cockroaches with a boot on each hand.
Susan: Why were there so many cockroaches?
George: Because. There was a lot of cake lying around the house. Just sitting there going with all the excess milk from all the experiments
Susan: And they got along?
George: Yes! Yes. You know. She didn’t know about Pasteurization. He didn’t know anout Fumigation. But they made it work!

 

Susan: George?
George: Argh! Susan! Hi! Oh, boy! What are you doing here?!
Susan: Renting a video! What do you got there?
George: Oh, … some stupid movie…
Susan: This is Mona.
George: Oh, hi…
Mona: Pleasure to meet you.
George: Yes. Well…
Mona: Well, I’ll let you two, uh… catch up.
Susan: You okay?
George: Yeah. Yes! I just haven’t seen you in a long time.
Susan: And you didn’t expect me to be holding hands with a woman.
George: Oh, please! Me? C’mon! That’s great! Are you kidding? I think thats fantastic! I’ve always encouraged experimentation! I’m the first guy in the pool! Who do you think you’re talking to?
Susan: I know who I’m talking to.
George: Of course you do… It’s just, uh, y’know, I-I never *knew*, uh, that, uh…
Susan: I liked women?
George: There you go.

 

Susan: Who is it?
George: It’s George:.
Susan: George:? George:, what is it?
George: Will you marry me?

 

George: I will never understand the bathrooms in this country. Why is it that the doors on the stalls do not come all the way down to the floor?
Susan: Well, maybe it’s so you can see if there’s someone in there.
George: Isn’t that why we have locks on the doors?
Susan: Well, as a backup system, in case the lock is broken, you can see if it’s taken.
George: A backup system? We’re designing bathroom doors with our legs exposed in anticipation of the locks not working? That’s not a system. That’s a complete breakdown of the system.
Susan: Can we change the subject, please?
George: Why? What’s wrong with the subject? This is a bad subject?
Susan: No, fine. If you wanna keep talking about it, we’ll talk about it.
George: It’s not that I want to keep talking about it? just think that the subject should resolve itself based on its own momentum.
Susan: Well, I didn’t think that it had any momentum.
George: (To himself) How am I gonna do this? I’m engaged to this woman? She doesn’t even like me. Change the subject? Toilets were the subject. We don’t even share the same interests.

 

Susan: Aw, what are you getting George?
George: I don’t know, honey. What do you want to get? [in babying voice] I want you to get anything you want…’cause I love you so much. I want you to be happy. Okay, sweetie?
Susan: Oh, George, you’re so sweet.
George: Well, I could be a little sweetie tweetie weetie weetie.
Susan: Aww!

 

Susan: I want you to tell me, George.
George: Why? Why is my code so important?
Susan: Because, it’s part of our relationship, it’s an indication of trust. We’re not supposed to keep secrets from one another.
George: Well I’m sure you have secrets from me. I don’t know anything about your cycles.
Susan: My cycles?
George: Yeah, I never know what’s going on there.
Susan: Well from now on I’ll keep you apprised of my cycles.
George: Please.
Susan: Anything else?
George: We’re out of Bosco!

 

George: Elaine and her sponges…she’s got like, a war chest full of them.
Susan: Well, I don’t see why you just can’t use condoms.
George: Oh, no, no…condoms are for single men. The day that we got engaged, I said goodbye to the condom forever.
Susan: Just once…for the make-up sex.
George: Make-up sex? You have to have that right after the fight, we’re way past that.
Susan: Come on, just once?
George: No, no…I hate the condom.
Susan: Why?
George: I can never get the package open in time.
Susan: Well, you just tear it open.
George: It’s not that easy. It’s like “Beat The Clock,” there’s a lot of pressure there.

 

George: I think they really went for that Soda.
Susan: What, are you crazy? They hated it. They were just humouring you.
George: Ah, alright. Believe me, that kid’s gonna be called Soda.
Susan: I can tell you, I would never name my child Soda.
George: Oh, no no no. Course not. I got a great name for our kids. A Real original. You wanna hear what it is? Huh, you ready?
Susan: Yeah. What is that? Sign language?
George: No, Seven.
Susan: Seven Costanza? You’re serious?
George: Yeah. It’s a beautiful name for a boy or a girl…especially a girl. Or a boy.
Susan: I don’t think so.
George: What, you don’t like the name?
Susan: It’s not a name. It’s a number.
George: I know. It’s Mickey Mantle’s number. So not only is it an all around beautiful name, it is also a living tribute.
Susan: It’s awful. I hate it!
George: Well, that’s the name!
Susan: Oh no it is not! No child of mine is ever going to be named Seven!
George: Alright, let’s just stay calm here! Don’t get all crazy on me!

 

George: What’s all this?
Susan: Oh, I’m just moving in some more of my stuff.
George: More stuff..
Susan: Oh, I put up my doll collection..
George: Oh my God! What is that?!
Susan: What? What is it?
George: This doll looks like my mother.
Susan: George, it’s a doll.
George: I know it’s a doll, but it looks like my mother!
Susan: Oh, get outta here..

 

George: Listen I was talking to Elaine today and she said she’d would really like to be an usher at the wedding
Susan: No. Out of the question. I don’t want any women ushers at my wedding and while we’re on the subject, Kramer is not an usher either.
George; Why not?
Susan: He doesn’t even know my name.
George: That was an honest mistake.
Susan: Nah! He’s too weird he’d fall or something. He’d ruin the whole ceremony.
George takes out a pack of cigarettes and pulls one out.
George: Yeah! You’re right.. You’re probably right.
Susan: Whadda doing? Since when do you smoke?
George: (coughs) I’ve always smoked.
Susan: I’ve never seen you smoke.
George: Oh yeeah.. well , Big smoker… I gave it up for a while but it was too tough. Y’ know…..I got no will power.
Susan: I don’t like this one bit.
George: Well I can’t stop now…(coughs) I’m addicted…they’ve got a hold on me
Susan: Well you are gonna have to quit.

 

Susan: Hi. Hey I’ve been going over the list .What about The Drake? Wanna invite him?
George: Yeah. Got to invite The Drake. Listen hem…there’s something that’s been on my mind and we haven’t really talked about it..I t’s kind of important to me.
Susan: What is it?
George: Well I I ..put a lot of thought into this and I think I would like you to sign a prenuptual agreement.
Susan: A pre-nup?
George: Yeah.
Susan: (burst out laughing)
George: What’s so funny?
Susan: Ha.Ha.Ha. ha…You don’t have any money. I make more money than you do. ha. ha. ha. Yeah.. give me the papers I’ll sign ’em.

 

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