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Tia – The Pick

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tia-the-pick-seinfeld

Played by: Jennifer Campbell

Appears in The Pick

Jerry has a date with Tia Van Camp, the Calvin Klein model he met on a plane. After the date, Kramer discovers that Tia is wearing the perfume fragrance he invented called “The Ocean”. Tia later dumps Jerry when she witnesses him picking his nose, but Jerry claims that he was only scratching it and there was no “nostril penetration.”

Tia Quotes:

Jerry: So, I’m thinking of putting in a tropical fish tank right here.
Tia: Are you sure you’re ready for that kind of comitment?
Jerry: Well, I figure if it doesn’t work out I can always flush them down the toilet.
Tia: That’s horrible!
Jerry: What’s that perfume you’re wearing?
Tia: oh I completely forgot I want you to see this. The CALVIN KLEIN ad I was telling you about came out today.
Jerry: What is that smell?
Tia: It’s here somewhere.
Jerry: It smells like the beach.
Tia: Exactly.
Jerry: Oh my God is that the new perfume?
Tia: Yeah.
Jerry: I can’t believe this. My next door neighbour had the idea for this exact perfume last year. He even met with an executive at CALVIN KLEIN. I can’t believe they stole his idea.
Tia: Are you sure?
Jerry: And you’re the model for this perfume?


Kramer: How tall are you?
Tia: Five ten.
Kramer: Come on lets see – Back to Back.
Jerry: NO! Kramer!
Kramer: What’s the matter with you? I just wanted to see how tall she was.
Jerry: Oh, you’re tall – she’s tall I’m tall. What’s the difference who’s tall. We’re all tall.
Kramer: What’s that?
Jerry: What?
Kramer: That smell. What’s that smell?
Jerry: [starting the Dust Buster] What smell?
Kramer: It’s very familiar. I can’t put my finger on it. It’s very familiar.
Jerry: Oh, they’re all the same. Here. [gives him Dust Buster] Now if you’ll excuse us, ..
Kramer: Yeah, okay, So I’ll see you tomorrow uh?
Jerry: Okay.
Kramer: Yeah. Nice meeting you.
Tia: Nice meeting you too.
Jerry: I’ll see you later. Ooow, that was close.
Kramer: THE BEACH!!!
[enters] Kramer: You smell like the beach. What’s the name of that perfume? you’re wearing.
Tia: It’s Ocean by CALVIN KLEIN.
Kramer: CALVIN KLEIN? No, no. That’s my idea. They, they stole my idea. Y’ see I had the idea of a cologne that makes you smell like you just came from the beach.


Jerry: Hello there you are.
Tia: What are you doing here?
Jerry: Well, I had to talk to you – I noticed you haven’t been returning my calls.
Tia: Well, I’ve been busy.
Jerry: Because I – I thought we had a good time the other night, an’ the only explanation I can come up with is that you think that you caught me (flustered, he indicates a nose pick)
Tia: I’d rather not talk about this..
Jerry: But I was clearly on the outer edge of the nostril.
Tia: I know what I saw.
Jerry: But there – but there was no pick! I – I did not pick! There ws no piick!
Tia: I gotta go.
Jerry: No! No pick!


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