Played by: Robin Cox
Appears in The Fire
Kramer invites Toby to see Jerry’s act, where she starts to heckle and hiss at him after a joke about men hunting and women nesting. As a result of the heckling, Jerry gets a bad review from the critic who was there to give him a review. In the ultimate comedian’s revenge, Jerry visits Toby at her office to heckle her, this causes her to run out into the street and her foot gets run over by a street sweeper, severing her pinky toe. Kramer retells the story of how he found the toe, boarded a bus, and fought a mugger in order to get her pinky toe to the hospital. Toby has her toe reattached at the end of the line and gets promoted instead of Elaine because her boss feels sorry for her.
Toby: These are great! Just great! Really great! Really, really great! Don’t you think so, Elaine?
Elaine: Yeah, really great.
Toby: A coffee table book about coffee tables!
Kramer: It was there!
Toby: Oh, look at this one! It’s saying, ‘I’m a coffee table, put some coffee on me! Oh, the hotter the better, that’s what I’m here for!’
Elaine: Actually, I’ve got some work I gotta do, so…
Kramer: Hey, how about if the book came with these little fold-out legs…so the book itself becomes a coffee table?
Toby: Ohhh, that is a great idea! Really, really great!
Toby: Oh, I’m great! Just great. Really great! Oh, hey – did you hear about Bob Rosen?
Toby: He is going to Knopp. He is going to be a vice president.
Elaine: Knopp? Really? Boy. That means there’s an opening here for senior editor…has Lippman, uh, hired anyone?
Toby: No. I hear he wants to promote someone in-house.
Toby: Maybe it’ll be you!
Toby: You really deserve it. I mean, you have experience, seniority…Lippman really respects your opinion…
Elaine: Well! Well, it could be you.
Elaine: No, really.
Toby: Really? You think so?
Toby: Boy, wouldn’t that be exciting!
Elaine: I mean, stranger things have happened…
Toby: Wow! Me! A senior editor! I’d like that.
Elaine: Well, you shouldn’t get your hopes up, Toby.
Toby: Well, it’s a possibility, like you said! Stranger things have happened! Thank you, Elaine. Thank you.
Kramer: Hey, Jerry. Toby, this is Jerry.
Toby: This is so exciting! Look, I have goosebumps! Touch! Touch them! I’ve never been to a comedy club before!
Jerry: Really! You know, a lot of restaurants are serving brewed decaf now, too.
Toby: You are so funny!
Jerry: Oh, you’ll have a good time, I swear.
Toby: Oh! He swears like he thinks I don’t believe him. I believe you. I believe you! Oh, he’s so funny.
Kramer: What about me?
Toby: What about you? I’m only kidding. You’re funny, too. I love to laugh.
Jerry: Good, good.
Kramer: So, you up next?
Jerry: Yeah, why don’t you guys get a table so you’ll have good seats?
Toby: Oh yeah, we don’t want some jerk sitting in front of us, it’ll be like, ‘Hey, big head, can you move out of the way? I didn’t pay a cover charge to stare at your bald spot.’
Kramer: Alright, so you have a good show, huh buddy?
Toby: Oh, have a great show. Hey, we’ll make sure it’s a great show!
Jerry: O.k., good, I’ll see you later.
Toby: Oh, he’s so great! This is so great! I’m so excited!
Jerry: Men definitely hit the remote button more than women…
Toby: Oh, really! Really! That is so true!
Jerry: Yes, yeah…see, men don’t care what’s on TV, men only care what else is on TV.
Toby: Yes! Yes! Right on! Right on!
Jerry: See…women really want to see what the show is before they change the channel…
Toby: Oh, that is so true, yes!
Jerry: …that’s why men hunt and women nest.
Toby: BOO! BOO! Hiss! Boo!
Jerry: Hey! What is wrong with you?!
Toby: Me? Nothing’s wrong with me.
Jerry: You boo me?! You hiss?! You didn’t stop blathering throughout the whole set!
Toby: Oh, come on! I thought you’re a pro! That’s part of the show.
Jerry: No! Not part of the show! Booing and hissing are not part of the show! You boo puppets! You hiss villains in silent movies!
Toby: Well, that’s the way I express myself. How are you gonna make it in this business if you can’t take it?
Jerry: Oh, I can take it.
Jerry: Hey, nice shoes. What, you wear sandals to work? It’s always nice to walk into a room and get the aroma of feet. That’s real conducive to the work atmosphere. I’m sure your co-workers really appreciate it. ‘Hey, let’s go eat in Toby’s office. Great idea! We can check on her bunions!’
Toby: You know, I have work to do here! I’m very busy!
Jerry: Oh, is this disruptive? You find it hard to work with someone…interrupting?
Toby: Well, how would you like it if I called security?
Jerry: Security? Well, I don’t know how you’re gonna make it in this business if you can’t take it! Ya gotta be tough! Booo! Boooo!