Jerry Seinfeld is well known for his clean style of comedy, but this guy ain’t no prude, there are many drug references on Seinfeld. These references prove he was more hip to the drug scene than his squeaky-clean persona would have you believe.
Keep reading to discover all of the drug references on Seinfeld.
Cocaine on Seinfeld
While meeting with his accountant Barry Prophet, Jerry sees him repeatedly sniffing during their conversation and worries that he might be doing cocaine.
So Kramer goes into a bar that Barry is at and tries to get him to talk, letting Barry know that he’s hip to the whole scene.
Jerry writes a letter to Barry, terminating their relationship but it is later implied (though never actually revealed) that Barry spent all of Jerry’s money on cocaine.
– the Sniffing Accountant
Opium. White lotus. Yam-yam. Shanghai Sally
Elaine takes a urine test when she accompanies Peterman on a trip to Africa, but it comes back positive for opium.
Poppy seed muffins turn out to be the cause of the positive drug test, but Peterman seems to know all about opium, which leads one to believe that he has experience with the drug.
– the Shower Head
Dropping acid on Seinfeld
Elaine is dating an older man who passes out at Jerry’s apartment.
While trying to figure out what happened to him, Jerry asks if he overdosed, but Elaine said that she was with him all afternoon and he didn’t take any drugs.
To which Kramer suggests “Well he could have dropped acid when you weren’t looking.”
– the Alternate Side
Tobacco Use in Seinfeld
Kramer gets kicked out of Monk’s after he lights up a cigar and meets people smoking on the street, so he invites them up to his apartment to smoke.
“Well somebody had to. You know, just because a person’s a smoker, that doesn’t mean he’s not a human being…these people aren’t just going to let themselves be flicked into the ashbin of society.”
Kramer quickly realizes the harmful effects, and his face begins to look like an old catchers mitt when he experiences a lifetime of smoking in 72 hours.
After consulting with his lawyer Jackie Chiles, Kramer sues the tobacco company but ends up settling for a Marlboro Man billboard with his picture on it.
– the Abstinence
Nitrous Oxide & Novocaine
Tim Whately has a new policy in his office, adults only. He puts skin mags in the waiting room and even takes hits of nitrous oxide before performing oral surgery on Jerry.
He also loads Kramer up with novocaine, causing a misunderstanding that scores Kramer a front row seat to see the Velvet Fog.
– the Jimmy
Jerry finds a treasure trove of classic toys at his girlfriend Celia‘s apartment and becomes obsessed, but she doesn’t like him playing with them.
In order to get better access to her toys, he gives her an extra dose of cough medicine to knock her out.
After hearing about all the fun playing with her toy collection George asks Jerry to invite him over for dinner so he can get some play-time too.
And what better meal to make Celia drowsy than a nice Turkey dinner and a box of wine? What is that stuff in turkey that makes you sleepy?
Later, the whole scheme is revealed when Kramer invites Jerry onto his talk show for a Scandals and Animals segment.
“If you think you can drug me and play with my toys, you got another thing coming, buddy!”
– the Merv Griffin Show
Elaine suspects that her new boyfriend Dick has started drinking again, but she is having trouble proving it.
Jerry tells her that if Dick is drinking, she would be able to smell alcohol on his breath, so they ask Kramer to have some Hennigan’s so they can smell him.
After a few shots, Kramer starts acting goofy
“Boy that Hennigan’s goes down smooth. And afterward you don’t even smell. That’s right folks. I just had three shots of Hennigans and I don’t smell. Imagine, you can walk around drunk all day. That’s Hennigans, the no-smell, no-tell scotch”
– the Red Dot
Messed up on Drugs
Jerry learns that his old comedian friend Richie just got back from L.A. and he’s messed up on drugs. So they stage an intervention at his apartment.
It turns out that Kramer might be responsible for getting Richie involved with drugs in the first place.
After a softball game, he told Richie to pour Gatorade over Marty Benson’s head, but it was freezing out, Marty caught a cold, got pneumonia, and a month later he was dead… Richie was never the same.
– the Pez Dispenser
George is racking his brain for ideas that will get Susan to call off their engagement, so Jerry suggests that he take up smoking,
“Yes, she hates smoking.”
Later, while discussing the idea of Kramer being an usher at the wedding, George pulls out a pack of cigarettes and lights up, claiming that he’s always smoked and can’t stop because he’s addicted.
Susan doesn’t like it one bit and storms out of the room. Unfortunately, the cigarettes make George sick and his house of cards comes tumbling down.
– the Invitations
Kramer and Micky help medical students practice diagnosing diseases at Mt. Sinai Hospital by acting out the symptoms.
After they both try to perform cirrhosis of the liver, they get in an argument and fall to the floor wrestling.
One of the medical students accurately identifies Kramer’s cirrhosis but also diagnoses him with PCP addiction.
– the Burning
Jerry and Elaine go down to Florida to attend Morty’s ceremony as outgoing president of the Del Boca Vista condo association.
During their stay, Elaine sleeps on a pullout couch that messes up her back.
A doctor gives her painkillers for the back pain, but Elaine takes too many and makes a fool of herself at the ceremony.
– the Pen
After a late night romp with David Puddy, Elaine visits Jerry’s apartment in the same clothes as she wore the day before.
When Jerry comments that her hair looks somewhat de-poofed, Elaine tries to cover up what happened.
“Oh, it’s the new look, you know? Heroin chic.”
– the Voice
Hookers and alcohol
After meeting at a party in Long Island, Jerry’s new friend Steve Pocaltillo comes to Jerry’s apartment uninvited as Jerry is heading out the door.
Jerry allows him to wait in the apartment until his ride picks him up to go back to Long Island.
However, Kramer stops by, he and Steve have some drinks and Steve hires a prostitute to come over.
– the Stranded